<h1 style="text-align: center;">Romance In A Red Pill Relationship</h1>
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<p>As anyone that has taken the Red Pill knows, perceptions of everything regarding relationships and life in general tend to need adjustment once the shock of it all settles. A thread over at MMSL got me thinking: what exactly does romance look like in a Red Pill relationship?</p>
<p>Lets start with a definition of Romance:</p>
<p><strong>ro·mance</strong></p>
<ol>
<li>a novel or other prose narrative depicting heroic or marvelous deeds, pageantry, romantic exploits, etc., usually in a historical or imaginary setting.</li>
<li>the colorful world, life, or conditions depicted in such tales.</li>
<li>a medieval narrative, originally one in verse and in some Romance dialect, treating of heroic, fantastic, or supernatural events, often in the form of allegory.</li>
<li>a baseless, made-up story, usually full of exaggeration or fanciful invention.</li>
<li><strong>a <a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/romantic">romantic</a> spirit, sentiment, emotion, or desire.</strong></li>
</ol>
<p>In the context of my original post "romance" refers to definition 5. But that asks the question, what is romantic?</p>
<p><strong>ro·man·tic</strong></p>
<ol>
<li>of, pertaining to, or of the <a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/nature">nature</a> of <a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/romance">romance</a>; characteristic or suggestive of the world of romance: a romantic adventure.</li>
<li><strong>fanciful; impractical; unrealistic: romantic ideas.</strong></li>
<li><strong>imbued with or dominated by idealism, a desire for adventure, chivalry, etc.</strong></li>
<li><strong>characterized by a preoccupation with <a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/love">love</a> or by the idealizing of love or one's beloved.</strong></li>
<li><strong>displaying or expressing love or strong affection</strong>.</li>
</ol>
<p>OK so what I was really asking was: how can a man be romantic post Red Pill? My original post is below:</p>
<p>"To me its a bit of a conundrum, because just about all of my views on "romance" are from the Blue Pill days, and post Red Pill none of that strikes me as the least bit romantic. I'm finding that overall I'm getting a bit cynical on "romance", because I now tend to see it as smoke and mirrors for the underlying dynamics of a relationship, which is pretty much all Red Pill evo-psych type stuff.</p>
<p>In a way I think it is much like going to see a magician and being completely amazed by his/her feats of magic. But then running into him/her later at the bar and finding out how the tricks are all done. Sure, the end result is still cool, but there is no mystery left which makes it all rather common place and mundane.</p>
<p>So what do you define as "romance" now that you've seen behind the curtain? Is romance really just making the choice to stay with your mate every day? I can accept that, but it certainly isn't as exciting as watching someone make a 747 disappear!"</p>
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<h2>Redefining Romance Through Red Pill Eyes</h2>
<p>The thread got many replies and I found the views rather interesting. One commenter wrote:</p>
<p>"seriously -- it comes down to <a href="https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/07/17/the-difference-between-attraction-and-relationship-skills/">building attraction</a>. Romance is a female "hamster / internal marketing" term for having attraction."</p>
<p>This made sense to me from my Red Pill POV, but it hardly matches the dictionary definition of romance... Another wrote:</p>
<p>"I see the POV that says redpill is the death of blue pill romance, replacing it with mindful commitment .. I am thinking it is possible for a good captain to create 'romance' for a blue pill (red pill unaware) FO"</p>
<p>Now this made a bit of sense to me, but it tends to mean that for a man that has accepted his role of Captain in his relationship, he is destined to provide "romance" but never to actually feel romantic. This is actually where my head was when I asked that first question. I can easily see how to create an environment of traditional "romance", but I certainly don't see it as anything short of a farce. I can show up with flowers after work, and although my wife may see it as romantic, I've already made the plan to buy them, reviewed my behavior in the last month or so to make sure I'm not over doing it, and came to the conclusion that this is or isn't a great "random" moment to surprise her. Not very romantic at all, is it?</p>
<p>Further in the thread someone wrote:</p>
<p>"I think its important for men to do things for their wives that they can brag about to other women. I'm constantly surprised at the things i over hear my wife saying on the phone with friends and family."</p>
<p>Well OK, but that's just another way for a man to boost the social status of his wife in her circle. It may be viewed as romantic by her and her friends, but I personally don't feel romantic by giving my wife something to brag about.</p>
<h2>When Attraction And Effort Become One</h2>
<p>Further on:</p>
<p>"I think romantic = 'give me tingles' If attraction is there, you can skittle her (rocks) and she'll still get the tingles. Attraction fades enough and it gets 'meh'. Things go far enough and eventually such things actually lower attraction (viewed as supplication) or are viewed as creepy."</p>
<p>I can certainly wrap my head around this. If its true, then romance is really nothing more than attraction, meaning that if/when a woman is attracted to a man, almost anything he does for her can be seen as "romantic" and when attraction is highest this is doubly so. One comment noted that he often gave his mate rocks from places they visited, and she kept those rocks their entire relationship. (note to self: I've gotta figure out how to make a rock romantic. That's achievement!)</p>
<p>This one made me laugh:</p>
<p>"you're thinking too hard. Don't think about how the sausage is made, just eat the damn sausage and enjoy the flavor."</p>
<p>Ahhhh yes. I've been and continue to be accused of "thinking too much" so often that I've considered getting a shirt printed that just says: "I know I think too much!" The thing is, I know how sausage is made, because I like to eat sausage and I don't general use things I don't understand. Yes, that means I have a pretty good idea of how my furnace, washing machine, and AC work. I actually take the time to read manuals. I don't like to "wing it" and much prefer to know in advance what I'm doing.</p>
<p>Further along the thread:</p>
<p>"Women love romance partially because we think you're putting in extra effort. We find the extra effort wonderful, because it means you care. That's the whole point. So you're lamenting that it takes work, when the perceived work is the part that we appreciate."</p>
<p>This looks promising. The Red Pill is work. MAPping is work. So, a little more work isn't going to kill me. But, what caught my eye here was mention that women find putting in effort romantic. Really?! If that's the case, then simply putting in the effort might be romantic, even if the gesture itself is lame?</p>
<h2>The True Meaning Of Romance Post Red Pill</h2>
<p>"Romance is the act/process of <a href="https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/03/how-to-retain-a-healthy-relationship/">creating and maintaining attraction, desire and intimacy</a>... red pill awareness brings clarity to the physical, instinctual components which drive us and gives us the tools for sustaining a 'romantic' relationship."</p>
<p>Now this is some meat. What I started to realize as the thread progressed is that the Red Pill is not the death of romance in a relationship, but the view of what is or is not "romantic" changes drastically. If romance is putting in the effort to remain attractive to your mate, then the MAP and simply being the best you can be IS romantic. But, do women truly see it that way?</p>
<p>And this reply summed it up nicely:</p>
<p>"1. Red pill is about seeing reality. So something exists or it doesnt.</p>
<p>2. Red pill and Map is about doing what You want not x to get y</p>
<p>3. Knowing 1 and 2, Anything you do nice for the other person is because you want to not you have to.</p>
<p>4. Apply 1 to 3. He/she did this for me because they wanted to therefore they chose to do for me. Chose.</p>
<p>What can be more romantic than that. Doesnt matter if it is a Snickers bar, a tunafish sandwich or a trip to Maui. You BOTH know you did for the other out of your own free will."</p>
<h2>The Paradox Of Conscious Choice</h2>
<p>So post Red Pill, "romance" is really about simply being the best you can be for yourself and your mate. It is doing nice things for them simply because you want to, or because you like to make them happy, or any number of things minus any covert contracts. Romance is part of daily life by this standard, and to me a much more realistic ideal than the traditional definition.</p>
<p>The thing is, the folks over there are self-selected and VERY Red Pill aware. So I wonder, do the vast majority of women agree with the Red Pill definition of romance? Or, is the consensus of the women over there more likely the result of their age, maturity, and desire to make marriage work? Would the average 20-something woman be giddy over getting a rock from her man? (an actual rock mind you, not a diamond ring...)</p>
<p>I'm still pondering all this so I don't have a solid conclusions. However, I'd love to get more feedback on the subject. So, guys: what's your take on "romance" in a Red Pill relationship? Do you feel at all romantic doing the stuff you did before? Ladies: would you be happy with a rock? Do you see "romance" in the everyday things your mate does for you? Or are you still looking for <a href="https://blog.loveawake.com/2024/12/11/how-to-build-a-lasting-relationship-beyond-ideal-proposals/">roses and putting in the work</a>?</p>
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